guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
