last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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