tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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