The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
