Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
