My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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