my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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