I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
