Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
