Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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