how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
