Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
