Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
