i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
