It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
