he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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