Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
