there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
