A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
