Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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