I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
