i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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