Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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