well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
