i think my mom watched the whole time
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
