Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
