How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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