The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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