Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
