I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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