I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
