i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
