actually, I'm a sock model
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
