I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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