Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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