tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
