so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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