Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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