Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
