life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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