I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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