I am spending my child support on dildos
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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