Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have post one night stand depression
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
