You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
