Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
