you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
