I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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