i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
