He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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