If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
