I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
