I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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