Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
