nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
