Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
