Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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