I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
