Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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