I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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