It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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