Whod you bang
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
this hospital has no fireball
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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