Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
