Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize