I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
